Hackwatch #4

The Aussie Press put the boot in.

The rabid hordes (AKA the Aussie press) have turned on their hapless cricket side with a positively English vengeance. They don't like losing, they don't like losing to the Poms and they most certainly don't like being humiliated.

The worst Australian side for 'two decades' is going to have to take it on the chin according to Robert Craddock, in the Herald Sun, who, under the header "Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team", wasted no time in laying into his previously beloved baggy greens: "Beaten. Broken. Bereft of options. Australian cricket has not been in such a parlous state for two decades. The team that lost to England will never play together again. It will be ripped apart like a Christmas turkey at a boarding house the next time the selectors meet. Desperate times require desperate measures."

Malcolm Conn in The Australian, followed up with: "Not since Australia's darkest days in the mid '80s has the Test team played so badly. Has the national side which was so recently ranked number one in the world really fallen this far?"

"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence" led self-styled Aussie convert Peter 'Robo' Roebuck's piece in the Sydney Morning Herald: "England soared. Australia floundered. The gap between the sides has become a chasm ... Australian cricket has become self-indulgent. Bold decisions are needed – and wise ones."

Shane Warne has called it as he sees it, genuinely fair in his praise for England and brutally harsh on a side that still features a number of his former teammates. : "I think if Australia loses another Ashes series to England then I think you'll see a youth policy employed by the selectors. And they will try to re-build rather than persist with ageing players." Thereby ruling out a recall for their best ever leggie, Mr Shane Warne!

Former Australian skipper the incredibly nice Mark Taylor, told the Daily Telegraph he wanted a recall for Mitchell Johnson, his "fighting" qualities bringing something special to the Aussie attack: "Johnson would certainly come back into calculations. He's only missed one Test match but he is a bit of an X-Factor for the Australians. He's the sort of guy who gives them a bit of aggro, and that's exactly what they need. They need some penetration from their bowling attack."

Fellow former opener Michael Slater also told the paper that he wants Phillip Hughes to replace Simon Katich in Perth and Nathan Hauritz to come in at the expense of Marcus North: "I know it's his home ground, but I'm not seeing the runs. Hughes comes in to open, Marcus North out, Haddin batting six and Hauritz is in there as well."

Pint sized Australian batting coach Justin Langer, on the other hand, saw many of Australia's problems as self-inflicted: "When you drop catches, miss run-out opportunities, do not capitalise on good starts with the bat and then take only five wickets in an innings you cannot expect to be the team drinking champagne afterwards," he told the BBC in his column. Which is pretty rich given his involvement in the Australian coaching set up.

However, it was left to Damien Martyn to have the last word on Twitter. Australia is notoriously harsh on its sportsmen when they fail so it was good to see one of them use up his limited allocation of characters to put a balanced appraisal of the victors out into the ether: "Well done England !! Credit were credit is due every since arriving in the country they have looked the goods well deserved enjoy the moment."