As the rain continues to protect the poor Australia 'A' bowlers from a further pummelling in Hobart. The press corps (and England management) are waiting for more gems from Shane Warne.
After criticising Alastair Cook's captaincy (which Cook agreed with) and promoting Carberry's selection at the top of the order (which has worked very well so far thanks). Everyone is waiting to see what our secret weapon has got for us next?
Nice one Shane!
Showing posts with label Hackwatch. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hackwatch. Show all posts
Friday, 8 November 2013
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
A Guide to Australian Whine (Part 2)
THE AUSTRALIAN
The demented Malcolm Conn demands urgent changes to the way Australian cricket is run and turns his sights on the Cricket Australia board, describing it as a "plodding, reactive, 19th century anachronism failing to keep pace in an ever-changing 21st century world," and insisting it should be replaced with a "proactive, forward-thinking independent commission not bound in parochial state-based chains."
Conn adds: "The CA board is ultimately responsible for this country's tumble from grace as a Test nation. It wallowed in the glory of Australia's decade of domination instead of reading the signs of what was coming.
In a churlish article Conn lavishes England's achievement with typically feint praise "It's one thing to be flogged by the once mighty West Indies after the upheaval of World Series Cricket and rebel tours of South Africa. It is quite another to be humiliated by a third-ranked nation which has one superstar, the South African-born Kevin Pietersen, when he gets his head right."
So, even in defeat the pathetic one-eyed sniping of Conn gets in the way of a valid (but disappointingly Sydney-centric) overview of Cricket Australia's failings. It would seem that judging by the quality of his writing it isn't only a change in the dressing room required.
A change in the press box might be handy too!
THE AGE
Under a 'Rotten To The Core' headline, Peter 'Robo' Roebuck (Former Englishman and now fair dinkum Aussie hack) writes that relegation down the order would be preferable to stripping Ponting of the captaincy.
"Ricky Ponting has his failings and his record is blotted by the loss of three Ashes series, but he has two World Cups and umpteen victories. His poor form is a concern, but that does not mean it is over for him.
"Plainly, though, the combination of captaining a struggling side and batting at first wicket down has taken a toll. He could be retained a while longer as captain and instructed to bat at number five. Many captains have slipped down the order or started there, including Allan Border, Steve Waugh, Viv Richards and Clive Lloyd. He has earned the respite."
Australia coach Tim Nielsen and the Australian selectors do not fare as well, with reference being made to Nielsen having been "outplayed by his counterpart" (Andy Flower) and the selectors accused of forgetting the fundamentals. "They could start by naming a proper opening pair. It is a specialist skill."
SYDNEY MORNING HERALD
Former Australia medium pacer Stuart Clark, writing in the Herald, bemoans a lack of top-order batting partnerships and points out that England had more stability in their top order.
Clark also highlights two "glaring issues" on the bowling front; the lack of a "viable spinner" and a lack of variety in Australia's seam attack compared to England, who have a "varied and balanced attack capable of taking 20 wickets on all surfaces."
Surely he wasn't suggesting a recall for a certain dibby-dobby medium pacer who currently rotates his arm for NSW, was he?
NB: For those of you who visit this blog expecting articles on Australian Wine, I suggest you learn how to read before drinking any more of the disgusting stuff!
The demented Malcolm Conn demands urgent changes to the way Australian cricket is run and turns his sights on the Cricket Australia board, describing it as a "plodding, reactive, 19th century anachronism failing to keep pace in an ever-changing 21st century world," and insisting it should be replaced with a "proactive, forward-thinking independent commission not bound in parochial state-based chains."
Conn adds: "The CA board is ultimately responsible for this country's tumble from grace as a Test nation. It wallowed in the glory of Australia's decade of domination instead of reading the signs of what was coming.
In a churlish article Conn lavishes England's achievement with typically feint praise "It's one thing to be flogged by the once mighty West Indies after the upheaval of World Series Cricket and rebel tours of South Africa. It is quite another to be humiliated by a third-ranked nation which has one superstar, the South African-born Kevin Pietersen, when he gets his head right."
So, even in defeat the pathetic one-eyed sniping of Conn gets in the way of a valid (but disappointingly Sydney-centric) overview of Cricket Australia's failings. It would seem that judging by the quality of his writing it isn't only a change in the dressing room required.
A change in the press box might be handy too!
THE AGE
Under a 'Rotten To The Core' headline, Peter 'Robo' Roebuck (Former Englishman and now fair dinkum Aussie hack) writes that relegation down the order would be preferable to stripping Ponting of the captaincy.
"Ricky Ponting has his failings and his record is blotted by the loss of three Ashes series, but he has two World Cups and umpteen victories. His poor form is a concern, but that does not mean it is over for him.
"Plainly, though, the combination of captaining a struggling side and batting at first wicket down has taken a toll. He could be retained a while longer as captain and instructed to bat at number five. Many captains have slipped down the order or started there, including Allan Border, Steve Waugh, Viv Richards and Clive Lloyd. He has earned the respite."
Australia coach Tim Nielsen and the Australian selectors do not fare as well, with reference being made to Nielsen having been "outplayed by his counterpart" (Andy Flower) and the selectors accused of forgetting the fundamentals. "They could start by naming a proper opening pair. It is a specialist skill."
SYDNEY MORNING HERALD
Former Australia medium pacer Stuart Clark, writing in the Herald, bemoans a lack of top-order batting partnerships and points out that England had more stability in their top order.
Clark also highlights two "glaring issues" on the bowling front; the lack of a "viable spinner" and a lack of variety in Australia's seam attack compared to England, who have a "varied and balanced attack capable of taking 20 wickets on all surfaces."
Surely he wasn't suggesting a recall for a certain dibby-dobby medium pacer who currently rotates his arm for NSW, was he?
NB: For those of you who visit this blog expecting articles on Australian Wine, I suggest you learn how to read before drinking any more of the disgusting stuff!
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Hackwatch #4
The Aussie Press put the boot in.
The rabid hordes (AKA the Aussie press) have turned on their hapless cricket side with a positively English vengeance. They don't like losing, they don't like losing to the Poms and they most certainly don't like being humiliated.
The worst Australian side for 'two decades' is going to have to take it on the chin according to Robert Craddock, in the Herald Sun, who, under the header "Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team", wasted no time in laying into his previously beloved baggy greens: "Beaten. Broken. Bereft of options. Australian cricket has not been in such a parlous state for two decades. The team that lost to England will never play together again. It will be ripped apart like a Christmas turkey at a boarding house the next time the selectors meet. Desperate times require desperate measures."
Malcolm Conn in The Australian, followed up with: "Not since Australia's darkest days in the mid '80s has the Test team played so badly. Has the national side which was so recently ranked number one in the world really fallen this far?"
"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence" led self-styled Aussie convert Peter 'Robo' Roebuck's piece in the Sydney Morning Herald: "England soared. Australia floundered. The gap between the sides has become a chasm ... Australian cricket has become self-indulgent. Bold decisions are needed – and wise ones."
Shane Warne has called it as he sees it, genuinely fair in his praise for England and brutally harsh on a side that still features a number of his former teammates. : "I think if Australia loses another Ashes series to England then I think you'll see a youth policy employed by the selectors. And they will try to re-build rather than persist with ageing players." Thereby ruling out a recall for their best ever leggie, Mr Shane Warne!
Former Australian skipper the incredibly nice Mark Taylor, told the Daily Telegraph he wanted a recall for Mitchell Johnson, his "fighting" qualities bringing something special to the Aussie attack: "Johnson would certainly come back into calculations. He's only missed one Test match but he is a bit of an X-Factor for the Australians. He's the sort of guy who gives them a bit of aggro, and that's exactly what they need. They need some penetration from their bowling attack."
Fellow former opener Michael Slater also told the paper that he wants Phillip Hughes to replace Simon Katich in Perth and Nathan Hauritz to come in at the expense of Marcus North: "I know it's his home ground, but I'm not seeing the runs. Hughes comes in to open, Marcus North out, Haddin batting six and Hauritz is in there as well."
Pint sized Australian batting coach Justin Langer, on the other hand, saw many of Australia's problems as self-inflicted: "When you drop catches, miss run-out opportunities, do not capitalise on good starts with the bat and then take only five wickets in an innings you cannot expect to be the team drinking champagne afterwards," he told the BBC in his column. Which is pretty rich given his involvement in the Australian coaching set up.
However, it was left to Damien Martyn to have the last word on Twitter. Australia is notoriously harsh on its sportsmen when they fail so it was good to see one of them use up his limited allocation of characters to put a balanced appraisal of the victors out into the ether: "Well done England !! Credit were credit is due every since arriving in the country they have looked the goods well deserved enjoy the moment."
The rabid hordes (AKA the Aussie press) have turned on their hapless cricket side with a positively English vengeance. They don't like losing, they don't like losing to the Poms and they most certainly don't like being humiliated.
The worst Australian side for 'two decades' is going to have to take it on the chin according to Robert Craddock, in the Herald Sun, who, under the header "Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team", wasted no time in laying into his previously beloved baggy greens: "Beaten. Broken. Bereft of options. Australian cricket has not been in such a parlous state for two decades. The team that lost to England will never play together again. It will be ripped apart like a Christmas turkey at a boarding house the next time the selectors meet. Desperate times require desperate measures."
Malcolm Conn in The Australian, followed up with: "Not since Australia's darkest days in the mid '80s has the Test team played so badly. Has the national side which was so recently ranked number one in the world really fallen this far?"
"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence" led self-styled Aussie convert Peter 'Robo' Roebuck's piece in the Sydney Morning Herald: "England soared. Australia floundered. The gap between the sides has become a chasm ... Australian cricket has become self-indulgent. Bold decisions are needed – and wise ones."
Shane Warne has called it as he sees it, genuinely fair in his praise for England and brutally harsh on a side that still features a number of his former teammates. : "I think if Australia loses another Ashes series to England then I think you'll see a youth policy employed by the selectors. And they will try to re-build rather than persist with ageing players." Thereby ruling out a recall for their best ever leggie, Mr Shane Warne!
Former Australian skipper the incredibly nice Mark Taylor, told the Daily Telegraph he wanted a recall for Mitchell Johnson, his "fighting" qualities bringing something special to the Aussie attack: "Johnson would certainly come back into calculations. He's only missed one Test match but he is a bit of an X-Factor for the Australians. He's the sort of guy who gives them a bit of aggro, and that's exactly what they need. They need some penetration from their bowling attack."
Fellow former opener Michael Slater also told the paper that he wants Phillip Hughes to replace Simon Katich in Perth and Nathan Hauritz to come in at the expense of Marcus North: "I know it's his home ground, but I'm not seeing the runs. Hughes comes in to open, Marcus North out, Haddin batting six and Hauritz is in there as well."
Pint sized Australian batting coach Justin Langer, on the other hand, saw many of Australia's problems as self-inflicted: "When you drop catches, miss run-out opportunities, do not capitalise on good starts with the bat and then take only five wickets in an innings you cannot expect to be the team drinking champagne afterwards," he told the BBC in his column. Which is pretty rich given his involvement in the Australian coaching set up.
However, it was left to Damien Martyn to have the last word on Twitter. Australia is notoriously harsh on its sportsmen when they fail so it was good to see one of them use up his limited allocation of characters to put a balanced appraisal of the victors out into the ether: "Well done England !! Credit were credit is due every since arriving in the country they have looked the goods well deserved enjoy the moment."
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Hackwatch #3
In light of the mauling Australia received at the hands of the English batsmen, it only seems appropriate to review the mauling they received in the various morning papers.
"Australia have been cooked and served up for supper", is how Peter Roebuck of the Sydney Morning Herald assessed events at The Gabba, where the tourists, inspired by Alastair Cook's 235 not out, put on 517 for one before declaring in their second innings and snuffing out any hope the hosts had of landing an opening series victory. "Their bowlers have been taken apart by an opponent that usually departs from Brisbane in a state of shock.
"Records were broken and the score rattled along till the head was spinning, a trait that eluded the local tweakers. With the terrible logic of sporting supremacy, 300 became 400 and then 500 and still no sign of a wicket."
Roebuck added: "The Barmy Army roared its approval and the locals were stunned into silence. It had been a long time since any Australian outfit, let alone its cricket team, was treated with such disdain by any opponent, let alone a bunch of Poms"
Greg Baum in the The Age was equally frustrated by Australia's failure to secure a victory having built a first-innings lead of 221. He wrote: "Rarely can roosters so quickly have become feather dusters. Here, shudder to think it, is England's future, and Australia's.
"Australia's bowling lacked not just bite, but teeth and gums."
The Sydney Daily Telegraph felt the result was a portent for things to come in this series as well as a true reflection of how Australia have slid from their undisputed status as the world's No1 team: "Australian players scoffed when they were told earlier this year they were the fifth-ranked Test side in the world following their 2-0 series defeat to India. Maybe it's closer to the truth than they care to believe.
"Their success on the first three days at The Gabba lured us into a false sense of hope. When Jonathan Trott leapt into the air after scoring the third century of the innings and you glanced at the scoreboard and saw the figures of 1-442, it was difficult not to think of the fresh hell that threatens to come."
Looking ahead to the second Test, which begins in Adelaide on Friday, The Herald Sun asks if it's time for Australia to "ditch Mitchell Johnson for 'wonky' Ryan Harris?"
"Johnson finished with match figures of 0-170 at the Gabba, the first time in 39 Tests he has gone wicketless, as England declared at 1-517 and the first Test petered out to a draw," the Melbourne-based paper went on to report.
The Jardine Report: Whilst it might be amusing to see the Aussie hacks pounding their own team into the dirt (and it is), it'll only take a good session for them to revert to the Pom-hating, Pom-baiting, standard Xenophobic drivel they've been dishing out for years. You have been warned!
Monday, 22 November 2010
Hackwatch #2
Robert Craddock, a self styled ‘cricket journalist’ of Sydney’s Daily Telegraph, seems to have taken it upon himself to try and galvanise the Aussie cricketing populace with a rather timid slating of England’s preparation.
Whereas in previous years (Think Pedalo etc) England’s lack of preparation and professionalism had the Aussies justifiably chuckling into their tinnies, this tours winning start has got the hacks scrabbling for the moral high ground. Craddock criticises the Poms for not going out and socialising. Fancy passing up the delights of sporting Australia where a night out involves getting completely trollied, taking drugs, getting into a street brawl or indulging in lewd acts with a team-mates dog – all par for the course for your average Aussie sportsman!
The normally well balanced Aussie hacks, the ones with a chip on both shoulders, are really struggling to land any punches on the touring team so far. Even repeated showings of Harmison’s woeful first ball wide from 2005 seem to do nothing but reflect the dread fear that is creeping across the Aussie sporting psyche.
Having been beaten by New Zealand at Rugby league (again), thumped by England at Rugby Union (again) and now gazing up at the top four test playing nations from a lowly position in the Test Match Championship table, the Aussies find themselves looking to Hockey and Pole-Vaulting for solace.
However, the fact is Australia’s obsession with AFL is seriously limiting their chances of progress in sports that the rest of the world also plays! The talent pool is smaller than most and despite the fantastic facilities, undoubted talent, commitment and sporting ethics throughout the country. Australia will seriously struggle if the sponsors, politicians and administrators continue to plough loads of money and some of their best sportsman into a glorified game of kick and catch that was originated by cricketers to keep fit in their off season. Australia are at a sporting crossroads and it is not a healthy position for a proud sporting nation and something that their journalists would perhaps be better served investigating the reasons behind, instead of pathetic little bleats about England’s supposedly invisible team.
Of course if it really is the case that England are invisible then Australia’s cricket really is in dire straits, I mean fancy their much vaunted state sides and A-team being bettered by a team of nobodies. And heaven help them all if their test team should fail again. They might even need to look in their own backyard to see where the problems lie and that is a most un-Australian thing to do!
Whereas in previous years (Think Pedalo etc) England’s lack of preparation and professionalism had the Aussies justifiably chuckling into their tinnies, this tours winning start has got the hacks scrabbling for the moral high ground. Craddock criticises the Poms for not going out and socialising. Fancy passing up the delights of sporting Australia where a night out involves getting completely trollied, taking drugs, getting into a street brawl or indulging in lewd acts with a team-mates dog – all par for the course for your average Aussie sportsman!
The normally well balanced Aussie hacks, the ones with a chip on both shoulders, are really struggling to land any punches on the touring team so far. Even repeated showings of Harmison’s woeful first ball wide from 2005 seem to do nothing but reflect the dread fear that is creeping across the Aussie sporting psyche.
Having been beaten by New Zealand at Rugby league (again), thumped by England at Rugby Union (again) and now gazing up at the top four test playing nations from a lowly position in the Test Match Championship table, the Aussies find themselves looking to Hockey and Pole-Vaulting for solace.
However, the fact is Australia’s obsession with AFL is seriously limiting their chances of progress in sports that the rest of the world also plays! The talent pool is smaller than most and despite the fantastic facilities, undoubted talent, commitment and sporting ethics throughout the country. Australia will seriously struggle if the sponsors, politicians and administrators continue to plough loads of money and some of their best sportsman into a glorified game of kick and catch that was originated by cricketers to keep fit in their off season. Australia are at a sporting crossroads and it is not a healthy position for a proud sporting nation and something that their journalists would perhaps be better served investigating the reasons behind, instead of pathetic little bleats about England’s supposedly invisible team.
Of course if it really is the case that England are invisible then Australia’s cricket really is in dire straits, I mean fancy their much vaunted state sides and A-team being bettered by a team of nobodies. And heaven help them all if their test team should fail again. They might even need to look in their own backyard to see where the problems lie and that is a most un-Australian thing to do!
Sunday, 7 November 2010
Hackwatch #1
Peter Roebuck - Just whose side are you on?
I was strolling through Kings Cross last night at about (well, maybe it was early this morning) and a fellow with big hairy arms, a rather challenging moustache and size 14 boots sidled up to me an asked me a rather awkward question. Peter Roebuck - Just whose side is he on?
I took a step to the left and then I took step to the right. I was just about to launch into the timewarp as the impertinence of the question had left me in blizzard of confusion. He is a former Somerset captain, tipped for England honours, foe of Beefy & Sir Viv, designated 'brainbox' & highly regarded cricket mind and yet and yet...
He now writes for the Sydney Morning Herald (amongst others I presume), peppering his rather jaundiced prose with local vernacular such as 'Poms' or 'Smoko's' or any other rather demeaning phrases he has picked up from his copy of 'How to speak Strine'. He criticizes Ponting & Strauss in the same breath, praises the indomitable spirit of the Aussie team and calls for Clarke to take over despite his obvious limitations as a captain. It is all very schizophrenic and intriguing indeed.
And so, as I said to 'Delores' this morning, I'm really not sure about Robo, really not sure at all. However, I promise to keep a close eye on him as the series develops.
I was strolling through Kings Cross last night at about (well, maybe it was early this morning) and a fellow with big hairy arms, a rather challenging moustache and size 14 boots sidled up to me an asked me a rather awkward question. Peter Roebuck - Just whose side is he on?
I took a step to the left and then I took step to the right. I was just about to launch into the timewarp as the impertinence of the question had left me in blizzard of confusion. He is a former Somerset captain, tipped for England honours, foe of Beefy & Sir Viv, designated 'brainbox' & highly regarded cricket mind and yet and yet...
He now writes for the Sydney Morning Herald (amongst others I presume), peppering his rather jaundiced prose with local vernacular such as 'Poms' or 'Smoko's' or any other rather demeaning phrases he has picked up from his copy of 'How to speak Strine'. He criticizes Ponting & Strauss in the same breath, praises the indomitable spirit of the Aussie team and calls for Clarke to take over despite his obvious limitations as a captain. It is all very schizophrenic and intriguing indeed.
And so, as I said to 'Delores' this morning, I'm really not sure about Robo, really not sure at all. However, I promise to keep a close eye on him as the series develops.
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