Second Test - Michael Clarke Axed!

In a shock announcement England have confirmed that Michael Clarke has been dropped as chairman of the England Selectors after the woeful performance in Brisbane. Clarke had previously announced the England side for the 2nd Test but behind the scenes manoeuvring has seen Clarke ousted from the prestigious role. The knock on effect is that Clarke's two picks Gary Balance and Tim Bresnan have been replaced by Monty Panesar and Ben Stokes.

Monty celebrates Clarke's demise as Chairman of Selectors

England blame selectors for defeat in First Test

After the heavy defeat in the first test match in Brisbane the England Selectors have come under severe scrutiny. Current Chairman of England selectors Michael Clarke has been given an ultimatum to come up with a winning combination in the Adelaide Test or he faces the risk of losing his role as England's cricketing supremo!

The fact that Clarke is the Australian Test Captain has been sited as one of the reasons cited for England's poor performance in Brisbane. However, plucky Gok Wan devotee Michael Clarke has denied that his role as Aussie skipper has had any impact on his decision making. When pressed on the matter he started prattling on about "executing plans" and "keeping up the aggression" and at that stage your JR correspondent made his excuses and left.

Michael Clarke is 32.

A Captain's Influence

I thought Michael Clarke would like to know about an incident I witnessed yesterday.

In a representative training match the first ball of the session was a bouncer. This was then followed up by the wicketkeeper suggesting the batsmen was then going to get, and I quote, "his fucking arm broken".

The players were all U-13's.

He must be very proud.

Mitchell Johnson - Go West!

Erratic Australian opening bowler and backing vocalist in the Village People Mitchell Johnson has dismissed the suggestion of a truce with England following a bad-tempered Ashes opener, according to the BBC.

Jonathan Trott was openly criticised in a press conference by David Warner (Warner's second cowardly attack of the year) before his stress-related exit from the Ashes. And Australia's Captain Michael Clarke was fined for an obscenity while warning James Anderson to expect a broken arm. 

"Their coach wants a truce from what I've heard. That's not going to change from our end," said Johnson. 

"I think it's worked for us. I definitely think they're rattled by it. They don't like it at all". 

Johnson then went on to promote his forthcoming role in "Go West" a musical about his rags to riches transition from local club cricketer to backing vocalist in notoriously macho 70's disco band Village People to wayward opening bowler for Western Australia and self-styled "terrifying" opening bowler for 5th ranked world test team Australia. From Village Green via Village People to the WACA!

Classless Clarke fined for 'broken arm' comment

Australia captain Michael Clarke has been fined 20% of his match fee for warning England's James Anderson to expect a broken arm reports the BBC.

Clarke was found guilty of breaching the International Cricket Council code of conduct for using language or a gesture that is obscene or insulting. Anderson was preparing to face fast bowler Mitchell Johnson.It was one of several flash points in a bad-tempered match that saw the hosts record a 381-run victory in Brisbane.

But Australia coach Darren Lehmann says his side will stay aggressive.
"I like our boys being aggressive as long as they don't cross the line," he said.
"I certainly like to play hard cricket. I've no problems with that at all.
"It's always going to be hard-fought between Australia and England. It certainly was in England; that's not changing here."

Clarke defended his sledging after the game, dismissing it as "banter". He said: "Through my career, there has always been banter on the cricket field and I cop as much as I give, that's for sure.

"All the England players know we certainly respect them. I've heard a lot worse said on a cricket field than what the Australia players or the England players said throughout this Test match."

In addition to Clarke's comments to Anderson, opener David Warner was criticised for being "disrespectful" by England captain Alastair Cook. Warner upset England with comments about batsman Jonathan Trott, whose dismissal in the second innings in Brisbane he described as "poor and weak".

"David Warner has the X-factor," said 43-year-old Lehmann. "He has an opinion. If he has crossed the line, the ICC [International Cricket Council] will deal with it."

The ICC has, however, taken a dim view of Clarke's comments, which were reported by umpire Kumar Dharmasena and third umpire Marais Erasmus after being picked up by a stump microphone.

In a statement the ICC said: "Clarke was found to have breached Article 2.1.4 of the ICC Code of Conduct which relates to 'using language or a gesture that is obscene, offensive or insulting during an International Match'.

Lehmann, who made 27 Test appearances between 1998 and 2004, says the hosts will also continue to attack with bat and ball.

First Test Review - Grace under pressure?

A very tough last three days at The Gabba for England has seen them comprehensively beaten by Australia in the first test. There are few positives, if any, to take out of their performance. Broad's bowling again showed a competitive mix of fire and intelligence. Carberry looked composed (and was very unlucky in the second innings) and Cook showed his traditional control and restraint in the second innings. 

However, the performances of Trott, Prior & Swanny all leave major question marks over how England can possibly hope to turn the series around. From the first ball Prior looked underpowered and far less engaged than normal in the field which was a real surprise and surely a knock on effect of his injury. His batting too looked very shaky. But he is an absolute battler and will surely improve throughout the series. Swanny's bowling at the SCG warm up v An Invitation XI looked flat and uninspired (no loop or drift) and this form continued into Brisbane. Trott's nervousness against the short ball was exposed in England and his technique has been found wanting. He's going to have to put in a massive stint in the nets to find a solution in time for Adelaide. 

Much has been made of the Aussie aggression and sledging. It is nothing new, just the same old schoolboy nonsense but from different players. Sure Johnson can bowl quick but for the first 5 overs he looked woeful and only a false shot by Trott steadied his palpably frail nerves. Warner demonstrated his class with the bat and his utter lack of class in the press conference. As did Michael Clarke whose preening arrogance surely needs no further comment (something I fear I will not be able to hold myself to over the remains of the Aussie summer).

And so, one nil down with very little to cheer about indeed... but this is a very battle hardened team and we aren't even a quarter of the way through the series yet! 

Keep the faith! And remember 

"The feeling is ******* mutual." 

Douglas Jardine, who was nicknamed Sardine by the Australian crowds on the 1928-29 Ashes tour and barracked wherever he went, in response to a comment from Patsy Hendren that "the Australians don't really like you"

Day 4

A comprehensive win by Australia. But graceless Warner and classless Clarke drag baggy green back into the gutter.

More to follow

Target? No Tar-jey!

Latest news from the Aussie Camp is that Michael 'Gok' Clarke is urging the players to stop targeting England players but to actual Tar-jey them in homage to his fashion hero Gok Wan.


It has yet to be seen whether his team mates will actually carry out these instructions but given their track record it is unlikely they'll pay a blind bit of notice!