En route to the airport I had an enlivening conversation with an irate cabby who was still going on about Stuart Broad not walking. I was delighted to discover that that incident was the sole reason England scraped a 3-0 win in the last Ashes series.
I got on my plane to Brisbane and recounted the same story to the chap next to me and he agreed with the cabby. He then proceeded to whinge all the way from take-off to landing.
Upon landing, I decided not to mention it to the next cabby. I didn't need to, because he bloody did!
So, my trip to Brisvegas has consisted of three hours of whining about English cheating. And this from the country that gave us Greg Chappell!
Do me a favour!!!
Showing posts with label Strine Whine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Strine Whine. Show all posts
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
A Guide to Australian Whine (Part 2)
THE AUSTRALIAN
The demented Malcolm Conn demands urgent changes to the way Australian cricket is run and turns his sights on the Cricket Australia board, describing it as a "plodding, reactive, 19th century anachronism failing to keep pace in an ever-changing 21st century world," and insisting it should be replaced with a "proactive, forward-thinking independent commission not bound in parochial state-based chains."
Conn adds: "The CA board is ultimately responsible for this country's tumble from grace as a Test nation. It wallowed in the glory of Australia's decade of domination instead of reading the signs of what was coming.
In a churlish article Conn lavishes England's achievement with typically feint praise "It's one thing to be flogged by the once mighty West Indies after the upheaval of World Series Cricket and rebel tours of South Africa. It is quite another to be humiliated by a third-ranked nation which has one superstar, the South African-born Kevin Pietersen, when he gets his head right."
So, even in defeat the pathetic one-eyed sniping of Conn gets in the way of a valid (but disappointingly Sydney-centric) overview of Cricket Australia's failings. It would seem that judging by the quality of his writing it isn't only a change in the dressing room required.
A change in the press box might be handy too!
THE AGE
Under a 'Rotten To The Core' headline, Peter 'Robo' Roebuck (Former Englishman and now fair dinkum Aussie hack) writes that relegation down the order would be preferable to stripping Ponting of the captaincy.
"Ricky Ponting has his failings and his record is blotted by the loss of three Ashes series, but he has two World Cups and umpteen victories. His poor form is a concern, but that does not mean it is over for him.
"Plainly, though, the combination of captaining a struggling side and batting at first wicket down has taken a toll. He could be retained a while longer as captain and instructed to bat at number five. Many captains have slipped down the order or started there, including Allan Border, Steve Waugh, Viv Richards and Clive Lloyd. He has earned the respite."
Australia coach Tim Nielsen and the Australian selectors do not fare as well, with reference being made to Nielsen having been "outplayed by his counterpart" (Andy Flower) and the selectors accused of forgetting the fundamentals. "They could start by naming a proper opening pair. It is a specialist skill."
SYDNEY MORNING HERALD
Former Australia medium pacer Stuart Clark, writing in the Herald, bemoans a lack of top-order batting partnerships and points out that England had more stability in their top order.
Clark also highlights two "glaring issues" on the bowling front; the lack of a "viable spinner" and a lack of variety in Australia's seam attack compared to England, who have a "varied and balanced attack capable of taking 20 wickets on all surfaces."
Surely he wasn't suggesting a recall for a certain dibby-dobby medium pacer who currently rotates his arm for NSW, was he?
NB: For those of you who visit this blog expecting articles on Australian Wine, I suggest you learn how to read before drinking any more of the disgusting stuff!
The demented Malcolm Conn demands urgent changes to the way Australian cricket is run and turns his sights on the Cricket Australia board, describing it as a "plodding, reactive, 19th century anachronism failing to keep pace in an ever-changing 21st century world," and insisting it should be replaced with a "proactive, forward-thinking independent commission not bound in parochial state-based chains."
Conn adds: "The CA board is ultimately responsible for this country's tumble from grace as a Test nation. It wallowed in the glory of Australia's decade of domination instead of reading the signs of what was coming.
In a churlish article Conn lavishes England's achievement with typically feint praise "It's one thing to be flogged by the once mighty West Indies after the upheaval of World Series Cricket and rebel tours of South Africa. It is quite another to be humiliated by a third-ranked nation which has one superstar, the South African-born Kevin Pietersen, when he gets his head right."
So, even in defeat the pathetic one-eyed sniping of Conn gets in the way of a valid (but disappointingly Sydney-centric) overview of Cricket Australia's failings. It would seem that judging by the quality of his writing it isn't only a change in the dressing room required.
A change in the press box might be handy too!
THE AGE
Under a 'Rotten To The Core' headline, Peter 'Robo' Roebuck (Former Englishman and now fair dinkum Aussie hack) writes that relegation down the order would be preferable to stripping Ponting of the captaincy.
"Ricky Ponting has his failings and his record is blotted by the loss of three Ashes series, but he has two World Cups and umpteen victories. His poor form is a concern, but that does not mean it is over for him.
"Plainly, though, the combination of captaining a struggling side and batting at first wicket down has taken a toll. He could be retained a while longer as captain and instructed to bat at number five. Many captains have slipped down the order or started there, including Allan Border, Steve Waugh, Viv Richards and Clive Lloyd. He has earned the respite."
Australia coach Tim Nielsen and the Australian selectors do not fare as well, with reference being made to Nielsen having been "outplayed by his counterpart" (Andy Flower) and the selectors accused of forgetting the fundamentals. "They could start by naming a proper opening pair. It is a specialist skill."
SYDNEY MORNING HERALD
Former Australia medium pacer Stuart Clark, writing in the Herald, bemoans a lack of top-order batting partnerships and points out that England had more stability in their top order.
Clark also highlights two "glaring issues" on the bowling front; the lack of a "viable spinner" and a lack of variety in Australia's seam attack compared to England, who have a "varied and balanced attack capable of taking 20 wickets on all surfaces."
Surely he wasn't suggesting a recall for a certain dibby-dobby medium pacer who currently rotates his arm for NSW, was he?
NB: For those of you who visit this blog expecting articles on Australian Wine, I suggest you learn how to read before drinking any more of the disgusting stuff!
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Hackwatch #4
The Aussie Press put the boot in.
The rabid hordes (AKA the Aussie press) have turned on their hapless cricket side with a positively English vengeance. They don't like losing, they don't like losing to the Poms and they most certainly don't like being humiliated.
The worst Australian side for 'two decades' is going to have to take it on the chin according to Robert Craddock, in the Herald Sun, who, under the header "Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team", wasted no time in laying into his previously beloved baggy greens: "Beaten. Broken. Bereft of options. Australian cricket has not been in such a parlous state for two decades. The team that lost to England will never play together again. It will be ripped apart like a Christmas turkey at a boarding house the next time the selectors meet. Desperate times require desperate measures."
Malcolm Conn in The Australian, followed up with: "Not since Australia's darkest days in the mid '80s has the Test team played so badly. Has the national side which was so recently ranked number one in the world really fallen this far?"
"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence" led self-styled Aussie convert Peter 'Robo' Roebuck's piece in the Sydney Morning Herald: "England soared. Australia floundered. The gap between the sides has become a chasm ... Australian cricket has become self-indulgent. Bold decisions are needed – and wise ones."
Shane Warne has called it as he sees it, genuinely fair in his praise for England and brutally harsh on a side that still features a number of his former teammates. : "I think if Australia loses another Ashes series to England then I think you'll see a youth policy employed by the selectors. And they will try to re-build rather than persist with ageing players." Thereby ruling out a recall for their best ever leggie, Mr Shane Warne!
Former Australian skipper the incredibly nice Mark Taylor, told the Daily Telegraph he wanted a recall for Mitchell Johnson, his "fighting" qualities bringing something special to the Aussie attack: "Johnson would certainly come back into calculations. He's only missed one Test match but he is a bit of an X-Factor for the Australians. He's the sort of guy who gives them a bit of aggro, and that's exactly what they need. They need some penetration from their bowling attack."
Fellow former opener Michael Slater also told the paper that he wants Phillip Hughes to replace Simon Katich in Perth and Nathan Hauritz to come in at the expense of Marcus North: "I know it's his home ground, but I'm not seeing the runs. Hughes comes in to open, Marcus North out, Haddin batting six and Hauritz is in there as well."
Pint sized Australian batting coach Justin Langer, on the other hand, saw many of Australia's problems as self-inflicted: "When you drop catches, miss run-out opportunities, do not capitalise on good starts with the bat and then take only five wickets in an innings you cannot expect to be the team drinking champagne afterwards," he told the BBC in his column. Which is pretty rich given his involvement in the Australian coaching set up.
However, it was left to Damien Martyn to have the last word on Twitter. Australia is notoriously harsh on its sportsmen when they fail so it was good to see one of them use up his limited allocation of characters to put a balanced appraisal of the victors out into the ether: "Well done England !! Credit were credit is due every since arriving in the country they have looked the goods well deserved enjoy the moment."
The rabid hordes (AKA the Aussie press) have turned on their hapless cricket side with a positively English vengeance. They don't like losing, they don't like losing to the Poms and they most certainly don't like being humiliated.
The worst Australian side for 'two decades' is going to have to take it on the chin according to Robert Craddock, in the Herald Sun, who, under the header "Let's rearrange the deckchairs in the Australian team", wasted no time in laying into his previously beloved baggy greens: "Beaten. Broken. Bereft of options. Australian cricket has not been in such a parlous state for two decades. The team that lost to England will never play together again. It will be ripped apart like a Christmas turkey at a boarding house the next time the selectors meet. Desperate times require desperate measures."
Malcolm Conn in The Australian, followed up with: "Not since Australia's darkest days in the mid '80s has the Test team played so badly. Has the national side which was so recently ranked number one in the world really fallen this far?"
"Australian cricket has become a product of rampant self-indulgence" led self-styled Aussie convert Peter 'Robo' Roebuck's piece in the Sydney Morning Herald: "England soared. Australia floundered. The gap between the sides has become a chasm ... Australian cricket has become self-indulgent. Bold decisions are needed – and wise ones."
Shane Warne has called it as he sees it, genuinely fair in his praise for England and brutally harsh on a side that still features a number of his former teammates. : "I think if Australia loses another Ashes series to England then I think you'll see a youth policy employed by the selectors. And they will try to re-build rather than persist with ageing players." Thereby ruling out a recall for their best ever leggie, Mr Shane Warne!
Former Australian skipper the incredibly nice Mark Taylor, told the Daily Telegraph he wanted a recall for Mitchell Johnson, his "fighting" qualities bringing something special to the Aussie attack: "Johnson would certainly come back into calculations. He's only missed one Test match but he is a bit of an X-Factor for the Australians. He's the sort of guy who gives them a bit of aggro, and that's exactly what they need. They need some penetration from their bowling attack."
Fellow former opener Michael Slater also told the paper that he wants Phillip Hughes to replace Simon Katich in Perth and Nathan Hauritz to come in at the expense of Marcus North: "I know it's his home ground, but I'm not seeing the runs. Hughes comes in to open, Marcus North out, Haddin batting six and Hauritz is in there as well."
Pint sized Australian batting coach Justin Langer, on the other hand, saw many of Australia's problems as self-inflicted: "When you drop catches, miss run-out opportunities, do not capitalise on good starts with the bat and then take only five wickets in an innings you cannot expect to be the team drinking champagne afterwards," he told the BBC in his column. Which is pretty rich given his involvement in the Australian coaching set up.
However, it was left to Damien Martyn to have the last word on Twitter. Australia is notoriously harsh on its sportsmen when they fail so it was good to see one of them use up his limited allocation of characters to put a balanced appraisal of the victors out into the ether: "Well done England !! Credit were credit is due every since arriving in the country they have looked the goods well deserved enjoy the moment."
Monday, 29 November 2010
A guide to Australian Whine
The standard Aussie journo can’t go more than a couple of minutes without a wicket before they resort to their second favourite subject, attempting to bait England about the number of South Africans in the England side. (Their favourite subject of course is the mental frailties inherent in any Englishman). So, I thought I’d do them all a favour and list the top 10 whines to save us all a bit of time. Then perhaps they can start to look at their own (rapidly self imploding) team.
Aussie Top 10 Whines
1) English mental frailty
– We suggest you investigate XXXX Johnson’s mental health before pursuing that line of attack
2) South African quota in England team
– All very different when Englishman Andrew Symonds was battering hundreds for the Baggy Greens.
3) Negative cricket
– Not unlike the Australian team bowling wide outside off stump prior to Siddle’s excellent hat-trick. Or looking back to a certain one-day game, bowling underarm (Architect being of course current Aussie selector Greg Cheatin' Chappell)
4) Poor technique
– See XXXX Johnson.
5) The food
– From a country that deep fries everything.
6) The weather
– Having been on the end of another soggy Sydney summer, we think not.
7) Pasty faced poms who can’t take the heat
– The lack of Australian support on the 5th day at TGGH demonstrates just who can’t take the heat.
8) Dress sense
– Oh do behave, style tips from the thongs, boardies and vest brigade.
9) Warm beer
– A fair point but at least our beer has alcohol in it!
10) Whingeing Poms
– Again such an observation belies the fact that Australians are the most balanced people on the planet, as they’ve got a chip on both shoulders!
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