The Ashes 2013/14 - Just warming up

Like the first cuckoo of an English spring, the first chortle at England’s opening day of ‘warm-up’ cricket is music to my ears. No doubt the harbingers of an Aussie revival are already convinced that the 3-Lion guarded façade is crumbling before their very eyes and thus Aussie supporters can look forward to an unrelenting summer of cricketing success.

Whilst the travails of young Rankin on the first day will not have boosted his confidence too much I am quite minded to say not so fast old chaps! A trip to the other side of the world to play the summer game is nothing to be taken for granted. The Ashes is quite simply the most important sporting fixture there is. It is the past, present and future of our beloved game and as such must not be rushed. So, I’m pretty sure it is too early for vivid conclusions, wild boasts or even worse than that ‘setting the tone’ or ‘putting a marker down’.

The Ashes is a marathon not a sprint and as such the England team like their supporters (of which of course I am proudly one) are working up to the first test. Whilst the England team have thrown the gauntlet down to the third quick to assert their claim for selection and thus rested the likes of Cook, Pietersen, Swann, Broad and Monty (the first four of which are certainties for the Gabba), the advanced guard of the Barmy Army (more of a Barmy Platoon) have also taken stock of the situation and are keeping their powder dry. No point in unleashing the full array of new tunes we’ve got in store for poor old Mitchell – Just yet! Of course the much sought after Barmy Army songbook has already got a few new crackers, including one which is the musical equivalent of the ‘doosra’.

However it is in the warm up games that the Barmy Army really fine hone their art. I was fortunate enough to be present at the creation of the now ubiquitous “He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right” classic. After a pleasant enough morning at the beautiful old Adelaide ground, we retired to a local hostelry to work on fine-tuning the ‘setlist’. A few of the older combatants were convinced a new chartbuster was required.

Over the course of the afternoon session a number of paper tablecloths were covered with various lyrics. The old classic ‘Sloop John B’ had been chosen as the relatively memorable ‘melody’ (it is essential to have a vague recollection of the tune late on the third day after a strenuous lunchtime session).  After a couple of rather self-deprecating choruses about Andrew Strauss one of the assembled decided that we needed to go on the attack. But who should we target? Sadly the BFW (Big Fat Warne) had retired and Ponting was already a basket case by that time.

In fact great pains were taken not to rile Punter, we left that to the Aussie press instead. And so it came to pass that poor old Mitchell was plucked out and catapulted to ignominy. Of course it would be hard to take all the credit for the 3-1 win last time on these shores but I can’t help think that, that afternoon in The Cathedral Hotel in Adelaide set us up for victory. And so, if you are in Hobart next week and want to contribute to a possible fourth consecutive victory, then keep your eye out for the collected musicians and songwriters of the Barmy Army (especially if they slip away for an afternoon of contemplation). In the meantime we’ll let our boys fine-tune their game and as sure as an Englishman can ever be we’ll be ready for when the phoney war is over! Just you wait & see!

Jardine