Hackwatch #3

In light of the mauling Australia received at the hands of the English batsmen, it only seems appropriate to review the mauling they received in the various morning papers.

"Australia have been cooked and served up for supper", is how Peter Roebuck of the Sydney Morning Herald assessed events at The Gabba, where the tourists, inspired by Alastair Cook's 235 not out, put on 517 for one before declaring in their second innings and snuffing out any hope the hosts had of landing an opening series victory. "Their bowlers have been taken apart by an opponent that usually departs from Brisbane in a state of shock.

"Records were broken and the score rattled along till the head was spinning, a trait that eluded the local tweakers. With the terrible logic of sporting supremacy, 300 became 400 and then 500 and still no sign of a wicket."
Roebuck added: "The Barmy Army roared its approval and the locals were stunned into silence. It had been a long time since any Australian outfit, let alone its cricket team, was treated with such disdain by any opponent, let alone a bunch of Poms"

Greg Baum in the The Age was equally frustrated by Australia's failure to secure a victory having built a first-innings lead of 221. He wrote: "Rarely can roosters so quickly have become feather dusters. Here, shudder to think it, is England's future, and Australia's.
"Australia's bowling lacked not just bite, but teeth and gums."

The Sydney Daily Telegraph felt the result was a portent for things to come in this series as well as a true reflection of how Australia have slid from their undisputed status as the world's No1 team: "Australian players scoffed when they were told earlier this year they were the fifth-ranked Test side in the world following their 2-0 series defeat to India. Maybe it's closer to the truth than they care to believe.
"Their success on the first three days at The Gabba lured us into a false sense of hope. When Jonathan Trott leapt into the air after scoring the third century of the innings and you glanced at the scoreboard and saw the figures of 1-442, it was difficult not to think of the fresh hell that threatens to come."

Looking ahead to the second Test, which begins in Adelaide on Friday, The Herald Sun asks if it's time for Australia to "ditch Mitchell Johnson for 'wonky' Ryan Harris?"
"Johnson finished with match figures of 0-170 at the Gabba, the first time in 39 Tests he has gone wicketless, as England declared at 1-517 and the first Test petered out to a draw," the Melbourne-based paper went on to report.


The Jardine Report: Whilst it might be amusing to see the Aussie hacks pounding their own team into the dirt (and it is), it'll only take a good session for them to revert to the Pom-hating, Pom-baiting, standard Xenophobic drivel they've been dishing out for years. You have been warned!

From the Captain's mess #6

First Test - Fifth Day

The imperious Alastair Cook and dogged Jonathan Trott set a series of amazing records as England hit an extraordinary 517-1 on the final day of the first Ashes Test before declaring.

The match finished in an expected draw, Australia replying with 107-1 having been set 297 to win from 41 overs. Cook's 235 not out was the sixth best Ashes score by an Englishman and he also surpassed Sir Don Bradman for the highest Test score at the Gabba. Cook and Trott (135no) put on 329, the ninth highest England stand in history.

Australia ended a tough last couple of days on a relatively positive note with Ponting hitting 51 not out and Watson unbeaten on 41, but England will hope to take more confidence with them to the second Test at Adelaide.

Cook and Trott's unbeaten partnership was the most productive by an England pairing on Australian soil and amusingly the best by any duo in Brisbane, beating the 307 produced by Mike Hussey and Brad Haddin earlier in the same match.

Having managed only one wicket throughout Sunday's play, when Andrew Strauss (110) had been stumped off part-time spinner and marginal selection Marcus North, Australia toiled through a further 51 overs on the last day without any further reward. There were two more dropped catches to add to the three shelled the previous day, plus a spat between the graceless Aussie captain Ponting and the umpires when Cook was adjudged not out after Ponting had claimed a catch. Although rather surprisingly the Australian Captain has escaped a fine for being overly critical of the quote “Pissweak Umpiring” unquote.

With the draw the likeliest result before a ball had been bowled on Monday, the intangible aspect of England's dominance over the last two days is what the effect might be on Australia. The hosts, with a proud record at the Gabba, had established what appeared a winning position when Mr Cricket and Haddin gave them a first-innings lead of 221 late on day three. But by time the first ball was sent down on the final day, they already looked badly out of sorts.

The early loss of Simon Katich to Stuart Broad just before tea only served to emphasise the scale of England's about-turn in fortunes since the start of the final session on day three. Tea on Saturday proved to be the watershed moment in the match. Despite having taken a hammering, England took the last five Australian wickets in the final session that day for 31 runs, before Strauss and Cook survived the second new ball.

That set the stall for a stunning batting performance, with the top three in an England innings scoring centuries for the first instance since 1924. Cook was on 132 and Trott 54 when the final day began, the latter adding 21 to his score when Michael Clarke put down a simple slip chance off Watson. Cook soon went on to his best score in Tests with a lovely cut off Watson, before a single to short fine-leg, facilitated by a misfield from the luckless Mitchell Johnson, gave him his maiden first-class double century.

Trott reached his second Ashes century in as many Ashes appearances on the stroke of lunch, after which Ponting indicated to the umpires he had cleanly caught Cook at short mid-wicket off Miss Xaviera Hollander with the score 457-1. The TV replay was inconclusive and Ponting looked typically aggrieved, voicing his feelings to the umpires and the two English batsmen causing his side so much anguish. Perhaps even more worryingly for the fair-weather hosts was the fact that there were only a handful of Australian fans watching, though the Barmy Army were in full force lapping up every misfortune that befell the hosts.

Ponting then spilled a tough chance offered by Cook, again off Watson, before - following a series of memorable lofted drives by both batsmen - Strauss called his men in, thus sparing the Australians any further punishment. Hopes of a sensational, though hugely improbable England win, were raised when Katich tiredly nicked a catch to Strauss in the slips. After tea, Colly dropped Watson off Graeme Swann, a chance he should have easily snaffled at slip. And on a wicket that appeared to get flatter and flatter despite the widening cracks, Watson and Ponting proceeded to cash in, with Kevin Pietersen given his first bowl of the series. A sure sign that the match was destined to fade into a draw

The Jardine Report: After a tough three days, the England team stormed back and leave Brisbane with their Ashes aspirations intact. Australia have called up Doug the Rug and Ryan ‘Wonky’ Harris to join their bedraggled fast bowling ranks for the Adelaide Test. XXXX Johnson and honest toiler Ben Hilfenhaus look the two most likely to take the blame for an atrocious bowling performance. Although Ricky Ponting cannot be completely happy with his captaincy after allowing England to get so comprehensively off the hook. Michael Clarke (FAC) will be rubbing his hands (and his sore back) with anticipation.

A guide to Australian Whine

The standard Aussie journo can’t go more than a couple of minutes without a wicket before they resort to their second favourite subject, attempting to bait England about the number of South Africans in the England side. (Their favourite subject of course is the mental frailties inherent in any Englishman).

So, I thought I’d do them all a favour and list the top 10 whines to save us all a bit of time. Then perhaps they can start to look at their own (rapidly self imploding) team.

Aussie Top 10 Whines
1) English mental frailty
– We suggest you investigate XXXX Johnson’s mental health before pursuing that line of attack

2) South African quota in England team
– All very different when Englishman Andrew Symonds was battering hundreds for the Baggy Greens.

3) Negative cricket
– Not unlike the Australian team bowling wide outside off stump prior to Siddle’s excellent hat-trick. Or looking back to a certain one-day game, bowling underarm (Architect being of course current Aussie selector Greg Cheatin' Chappell)

4) Poor technique
– See XXXX Johnson.

5) The food
– From a country that deep fries everything.

6) The weather
– Having been on the end of another soggy Sydney summer, we think not.

7) Pasty faced poms who can’t take the heat
– The lack of Australian support on the 5th day at TGGH demonstrates just who can’t take the heat.

8) Dress sense
– Oh do behave, style tips from the thongs, boardies and vest brigade.

9) Warm beer
– A fair point but at least our beer has alcohol in it!

10) Whingeing Poms
– Again such an observation belies the fact that Australians are the most balanced people on the planet, as they’ve got a chip on both shoulders!

Keep calm and carry on

As final preparations are being made for the last day of the first test, it is essential that England don't attempt to force the game today. Whilst yesterday's batting performance gave the touring team (and supporters) a huge lift, the game is still nicely balanced and a few early wickets for Australia this morning could still see England under extreme pressure to save the match.

So, the message is simple... Keep calm and carry on!

From the Captain's mess #5

First Test - Day Four

England openers Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook both hit centuries as we fought back superbly on day four of the first Ashes Test at the Gabba Gabba Hey. England had resumed 202 runs behind on 19-0 with Australia sensing victory. But Skipper Strauss (110) put on 188 with Cook (132 not out) in an English record stand at Brisbane, and vice Captain Cook then added 121 with Jonathan Trott (54 not out). The tourists went to stumps on 309-1 and lead the Aussies by 88 runs, with the draw looking the likely outcome. Soon to be ex-Australian Captain (First Aussie to lose three Ashes Series!) Ricky Ponting's could not have have envisaged his side only managing one wicket in the entire day - but that was precisely what happened, with Australia hampered by the flat wicket and their own modest bowling attack.

The Aussies made things hard for themselves by spilling catches. Strauss was badly dropped by Mitchell Johnson on 69, Cook gave a much harder opportunity to Peter Siddle at fine leg on 103 and Trott also gave a technical chance to Michael Clarke at point on 34. A torrid battle for survival appeared to be the order of the day for England at the start of Sunday's play at the Gabba. They had been put under the cosh by Mr Cricket Mike Hussey and Brad Haddin, and the situation appeared bleak.

However, there was no swing or seam, and little encouragement for the spinners either - with the only danger for the batsmen being the cracks in the pitch which, if Australia's bowlers could locate them, might cause the odd ball to misbehave. Cook looked in a little danger early on, edging Siddle wide of third slip, and then playing an ambitious slog sweep at Xavier Doherty when the debutant spinner came on which was top-edged high into the air before landing between fielders. Both men were positive, confident enough to hit a series of cut shots and off-drives as Australia looked to locate their outside edges. With typical sparse home support, the usual rowdy contingent of England fans were able to make themselves heard as Strauss and Cook dominated proceedings.They scored quickly, Strauss raising the 100 with a driven four off the first ball of Siddle's second spell some 40 minutes before lunch.

Eschewing a more cautious approach, Strauss was soon down the track to Doherty hitting a catch towards mid-off, but XXXX Johnson spilled an easy catch and at lunch England were encouragingly positioned on 135-0, with Strauss on 79, Cook on 51.
Strauss's 15th boundary, a late cut off Doherty gave him his 19th Test hundred, to join Sir Len Hutton at equal sixth place in the all-time list of England century-makers. It also ended a run of 13 Tests without a three-figure score, the last coming in the 2009 Ashes win at Lord's, although he swiftly fell to the part-time spin of Marcus North, stumped as he tried to hit an off-break over the bowler's head. Jonathon Trott proved an excellent second companion for Cook, however, hitting a lovely cover-drive for four off Johnson to take England into the lead, and the pair of the them were able to raise a 50-run stand off just 70 balls just before tea.

Cook began the the final session needing just two runs to secure his 12th Test century and second on Australian soil, and he got there with yet another cut off Siddle. Even when the new ball was taken moments later, there was not enough spark or belief from the Australians, and consequently Cook and Trott continued to find life comfortable. The second 100-run stand of the day was raised when Johnson was mercilessly pulled by Cook for another boundary and when bad light brought a slightly early finish, the Aussies looked relieved to head to the dressing room.

The Jardine Report: England's fight back had begun the day before with the dismissal of Hussey, since that attempted stab at a vainglorious six to top off a double century the momentum has swung England's way. Whilst there is still a lot of work to do to make the game safe, the English team will be delighted with the fightback, the speed with which the Aussies crumbled and perhaps most tellingly the lack of support from the Australian crowd.

From the Captain's mess #4

First Test Day Three (Tea)

When we are up, we are up & when we are down we are down... And boy are we down.

Haddin & Mr Cricket(!) have scored, well actually I'm not sure, let's just say 'a lot'! England look absolutely shot in the field and none of the bowlers are causing any problems. Colly came closest, twice nearly snaring Haddin after misguided slogs.

Teams coming back out and this is shaping up to be a very very bad day indeed. 436-5...

Oh and the beer is still XXXX but I won't be druv!

Jardine @ TGGH

From the Captain's mess #3

First test - Day Three (AM drinks)

And so it comes to pass Mr Cricket (!) scores what will surely be a match winning ton.

Jimmy has bowled well but we are looking underpowered and starting to look a bit ragged.

XXXX Gold is still a ghastly little beer but I shall persevere for club and country!

Jardine @ TGGH

From the Captain's mess #2

First Test - Day Two 

The annoyingly self-styled Mr Cricket, Michael Hussey, has inched Australia towards a commanding position after the 2nd day of the 1st test. Despite being half an inch away from going 1st ball.

England, backed by a more lively Barmy Army, had a strong afternoon session, dispatching the diminutive Ponting (soon to be former Australian captain), Katich and the luckless North. 

The evening session went the way of the hosts with the weather and light intervening just as the new ball became available.

On the drinking front, still no improvement on the XXXX Gold front. It is still a shabby watery drop with little or no redeeming alcoholic features. However, I will continue sampling it, just in case! 

Meanwhile, England need to remove Mr Cricket early or else...

Jardine at TGGH
Third attempt 

From the Captain's mess #1

First Test - Day One

Oh my giddy aunt. What happened there then? England cruising into the first test with their tails up and Australia in selectoral disarray and then within 3 balls normal roles resumed.

Strauss was justified in trying to take the the game to the hosts but his execution was poor. Thereafter England rebuilt their innings twice only for a rejuvenated Siddle to take a hat-trick and the tourists Ashes chances look anything but hopeful.

Sitting in bay 14 surrounded by the normal posse of Oi,Oi,Oi Aussies, the GGH was not the best place for any feint hearted poms. The frustration of seeing England's lower middle order destroyed was only surpassed by the lacklustre bowling response. If England expect to be in any way competitive they must ramp up their energy levels and body language.

It is only day 2 of a 25 day series but Australia have already taken a big leap towards retaining The Ashes and that is almost as unpalatable as the XXXX Gold served around the ground. If only the locals had a beer as potent as their gun bowler Siddle! Sadly they are serving up a lot of sloppy tepid nonsense - perhaps they should call it Mitchell Johnson whose bowling was absolute XXXX, which was the only bright spot for England in an otherwise very tough opening day.

Jardine at the GGH
Sent from my iPhone

Selling the soul of The Ashes - Part 1

Whilst nobody should or indeed does raise an eyebrow as another sporting event bows down in the face of the onrush of corporate "assimilation". The sight of the image of the Urn, a sanctified trophy if ever there was, being heralded as The Vodadone Ashes still sticks in the gullet like a barbed cocktail stick.

However, the thing I'm finding as I stroll round The Gabba Gabba Hey and seeing Vodafone's all intrusive branding even more galling is that I can't even get a bloody signal for large chunks of time!

England 101-2...

Jardine in The GGH

Test Match Countdown - 1 Day to go

Aussies still unsure about final XI. England seem settled. In the meantime, The Jardine Report is doing final checks on all communication links. Passport packed, sun screen ready, drinking boots polished!

Less than 24 hours to go....

Our man in Brizzy

Name that ground. 1,2,3,4...

#1 - The Gabba Gabba Hey

The Brisbane Cricket Ground, also known as The Gabba Gabba Hey, is a major sports stadium in Brisbane, the capital of Queensland. It is named after lyrics in the song 'Pinhead' by American punk rock band The Ramones.

The land on which the ground sits was first set aside for use as a cricket ground in 1895. The first cricket match was held on the site on 19 December 1896 between Parliament and The Press. The BCG was not used for interstate or international cricket until 1931. The first Sheffield Shield match scheduled for The BCG was to be played between 31 January 1931 and 4 February 1931. However, it was washed out without the captains' even bothering to toss a coin. The first cricket Test match at The BCG was played between Australia and South Africa between 27 November and 3 December 1931.

Over the years, The BCG has hosted athletics, Australian rules football, baseball, concerts, cricket, cycling, rugby league, rugby union, soccer and pony and greyhound races.

However, it was in 1977 when The Ramones toured Australia that The Gabba Gabba Hey acquired the famous soubriquet for which it has become renowned all over the cricketing world.

Legend has it that Joey Ramone (former RHB and RFM bowler) was walking around the boundary edge during a Sheffield Shield game with Johnny Ramone, when he felt compelled to respond to the somewhat dull batting performance he was watching. Not content with the traditional 'Have a go ya Mug!' Joey yelled at the somnambulant batsman 'Gabba Gabba Hey' in tribute to the Woolloongabba area the ground is situated in.

Johnny picked up on this chant and soon the whole crowd were yelling at the by now startled batsman. So, taken were they with the success of the chant that Da Brudders immediately co-opted the chant into the lyrics for their chart bound hit 'Pinhead'.

Between 1993 and 2005, The Gabba was redeveloped in six stages at a cost of $128,000,000 AUD. The dimensions of the playing field are now 170.6 metres (east-west) by 149.9 metres (north-south). The seating capacity of the ground is now 42,000. In its appearance the Gabba now almost resembles a mini Melbourne Cricket Ground complete with light towers and a gigantic modern grandstand ringing the ground providing an intimidating and noisy atmosphere for visiting teams.

The Jardine Report:
"Gabba gabba we accept you, we accept you, one of us. Gabba gabba hey, gabba gabba hey!....".

First Test Countdown - 2 days to go

Australia vice-captain Michael 'Pup' Clarke (FAC2011*) is a doubt for the first Ashes Test at The Gabba Gabba Hey on Thursday. Clarke missed training on Monday as he nursed his latest...

Australia called up Usman Khawaja to join their 13-man now 14-man squad as standby, although Clarke said on Twitter that he is expected to recover in time. "Didn't train today, back a little stiff. Confident if I keep listening to our physio and doing the right things I will be fit," he said.

Australia physio Alex Kountouris suggested it was touch and go whether Clarke would make it. So, perhaps Clarke would be better off not listening to him.

Kountouris continued regardless: "Until he bats tomorrow [Tuesday], we can't be absolutely 100% sure that he's OK to go. It's something that just flared up, and unfortunately the timing of it is not great. If it had happened two weeks ago it wouldn't be a problem. In another week he'd be OK - it's whether we've timed our run correctly. I'm guessing it could be left until Thursday morning. Part of the plan was for him not to bat today [Monday] but to bat on Tuesday and Wednesday - and we hope he'll be available for the game. I'm reasonably optimistic. But it will be after he bats tomorrow and recovers from that when we will really know how he is."

So basically, suspected former bus driver and possible WWF wrestler Kountouris hasn't got a clue!

Khawaja was named in Australia's original 17-man squad before being one of of the four players to be omitted for the opening Test at the Gabba Gabba Hey. The 23-year-old New South Wales batsman joined the ever expanding Australia squad in Brisbane on Monday.

* FAC2011 does not in fact refer to Michael Clarke being a Factory Records product, although if he was I suspect he would sound something like Crispy Ambulance. It does in fact refer to him being the Future Australian Captain, estimated time of arrival the day after the end of the 5th test in Sydney 2011.

Passing selection thoughts...

So, the Australians have finally made a decision. Hauritz has been summarily disposed of and sent back to grade cricket - almost the Aussie equivalent of having to turn out for Keymer & Hassocks 2nd XI. They have instead placed their spinning hopes on a chap called Xaviera Hollander (or somesuch - See pic). The notion being that the Tasmanian left arm spinner with a first class bowling average of near 50 should be enough to deal with England's sometimes sloppy middle order. He may well prove to be but the funk & fuss that the Aussie selectors have had to go through to get to a final XIII shows real panic in the heart of the previously invulnerable Aussie machine.

Meanwhile, England cruise on serenely to Brisbane and the (supposedly) crucial first ball. No Harmison to blast it to second slip or as has been often forgotten to rattle Langer in another more successful series. The only question is whether Tremlett did enough in Hobart to warrant a serious discussion in place of Finn.

The Jardine Report:

England; Mr Straussy (Capt), Cooky, Trotty, KP, Colly, Belly, Matty, Broady, Swanny, Jimmy, Finny.

Australia; Katich, Watto, Punter, Pup, Mr Cricket (!), Northo, Haddin, Johnson, Siddle, Hifenhaus, Miss Xaviera Hollander.

Hackwatch #2

Robert Craddock, a self styled ‘cricket journalist’ of Sydney’s Daily Telegraph, seems to have taken it upon himself to try and galvanise the Aussie cricketing populace with a rather timid slating of England’s preparation.

Whereas in previous years (Think Pedalo etc) England’s lack of preparation and professionalism had the Aussies justifiably chuckling into their tinnies, this tours winning start has got the hacks scrabbling for the moral high ground. Craddock criticises the Poms for not going out and socialising. Fancy passing up the delights of sporting Australia where a night out involves getting completely trollied, taking drugs, getting into a street brawl or indulging in lewd acts with a team-mates dog – all par for the course for your average Aussie sportsman!

The normally well balanced Aussie hacks, the ones with a chip on both shoulders, are really struggling to land any punches on the touring team so far. Even repeated showings of Harmison’s woeful first ball wide from 2005 seem to do nothing but reflect the dread fear that is creeping across the Aussie sporting psyche.

Having been beaten by New Zealand at Rugby league (again), thumped by England at Rugby Union (again) and now gazing up at the top four test playing nations from a lowly position in the Test Match Championship table, the Aussies find themselves looking to Hockey and Pole-Vaulting for solace.

However, the fact is Australia’s obsession with AFL is seriously limiting their chances of progress in sports that the rest of the world also plays! The talent pool is smaller than most and despite the fantastic facilities, undoubted talent, commitment and sporting ethics throughout the country. Australia will seriously struggle if the sponsors, politicians and administrators continue to plough loads of money and some of their best sportsman into a glorified game of kick and catch that was originated by cricketers to keep fit in their off season. Australia are at a sporting crossroads and it is not a healthy position for a proud sporting nation and something that their journalists would perhaps be better served investigating the reasons behind, instead of pathetic little bleats about England’s supposedly invisible team.

Of course if it really is the case that England are invisible then Australia’s cricket really is in dire straits, I mean fancy their much vaunted state sides and A-team being bettered by a team of nobodies. And heaven help them all if their test team should fail again. They might even need to look in their own backyard to see where the problems lie and that is a most un-Australian thing to do!

England v Australia A

Tour match, Hobart (day four):
England 523 & 11-0 bt Australia A 230 & 301 by 10 wickets

England eased to a crushing 10-wicket win against Australia A in their final warm-up match ahead of the first Ashes Test in Brisbane on Thursday.

Resuming on 128-3 in Hobart, the hosts were quickly in trouble as Chris Tremlett took three early wickets. Cameron White hit a nelson (111) but when he fell to the impressive Monty Panesar (3-63), Australian hopes were effectively over. Tim Bresnan's fourth wicket wrapped up the innings before the England openers knocked off the nine runs required.

Ian Bell's terrific 192 was ultimately the key innings in Tasmania, but with Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Jonathan Trott and Paul Collingwood all looking in good nick, coach Andy Flower will be content with his side's batting preparations.

The bowling quartet of Stuart Broad, Jimmy Anderson, Steven Finn and Graeme Swann may have enjoyed the luxury of a week lounging around in Queensland to hone their skills but the back-up attack's display in this game will have sent a timely reminder that team selection should not be taken for granted.

Once again, Tremlett, Bresnan and Panesar put the Australians under pressure throughout, and with injuries a common factor on lengthy Ashes tours, the two pacemen should be prepared to play some part in the Test series. Tremlett's pace and bounce did the damage early on the final day as he collected three wickets in eight balls before lunch.

Phillip “The new Bradman” (©The Sydney Daily Telegraph – 2009) Hughes (81), who opened in the first Test of the last series in 2009, added 23 to his overnight score before he was excellently taken by Strauss at first slip. Wicketkeeper Tim Paine hardly pushed his case to take over from Brad Haddin in the full Test squad when he was trapped lbw for two shortly after while Steve Smith - who has been included in the 13-man party for Brisbane – hilariously shouldered arms to his first ball.

Steve O'Keefe kept out Tremlett's hat-trick ball though and a 78-run stand with White held up England in the afternoon as the hosts fought to avoid defeat. However when O'Keefe miscued a drive off Panesar on 27 the hosts were in trouble, despite White bringing up a well-deserved century. He eventually edged behind for 111 and when Mark Cameron fell for a duck, an innings victory seemed a possibility.

Beanpole ‘quickish’ bowler Peter George and the Rugged Clint McKay just did enough to avert that particular embarrassment but Strauss and Cook still only needed nine balls to knock off the runs required and seal a hugely convincing win.

The Jardine Report – We thoroughly enjoyed our time in Hobart (excellent Sushi at Mures) and the impressive performance certainly gives huge encouragement for a successful series. Every England player looked comfortable and focussed, whereas the Aussie swagger was noticeable by its absence. Make no mistake it will be a very tough series but for once we head to the first test with Australia full of doubt and England full of confidence.

Hackwatch #1

Peter Roebuck - Just whose side are you on?

I was strolling through Kings Cross last night at about (well, maybe it was early this morning) and a fellow with big hairy arms, a rather challenging moustache and size 14 boots sidled up to me an asked me a rather awkward question. Peter Roebuck - Just whose side is he on?

I took a step to the left and then I took step to the right. I was just about to launch into the timewarp as the impertinence of the question had left me in blizzard of confusion. He is a former Somerset captain, tipped for England honours, foe of Beefy & Sir Viv, designated 'brainbox' & highly regarded cricket mind and yet and yet...

He now writes for the Sydney Morning Herald (amongst others I presume), peppering his rather jaundiced prose with local vernacular such as 'Poms' or 'Smoko's' or any other rather demeaning phrases he has picked up from his copy of 'How to speak Strine'. He criticizes Ponting & Strauss in the same breath, praises the indomitable spirit of the Aussie team and calls for Clarke to take over despite his obvious limitations as a captain. It is all very schizophrenic and intriguing indeed.

And so, as I said to 'Delores' this morning, I'm really not sure about Robo, really not sure at all. However, I promise to keep a close eye on him as the series develops.

First Match, First Blood

England 223-8 dec & 243-4 beat Western Australia 242-8 dec & 223 by six wickets

England skipper Andrew Strauss hit 120 not out as England thumped Western Australia by six wickets in their opening warm-up game ahead of the Ashes series.Straussy's 141-ball knock featured a six and 15 fours as he led his side home on 243-4 in Perth.

Developing a winning habit early in the tour was one of England's goals on arriving in Australia and the manner in which they went about their run-chase at the Waca Ground was a reflection of the confidence within the camp. After Cook's early dismissal, Strauss took charge and was well supported by the other members of the top order.

He shared stands of 65, 66 and 54 with Trott, KP and Colly before he and Ian Bell, who finished with 22 not out, knocked off the remaining runs. The England captain was particularly strong on the back foot, relishing the chance to pull anything dropped short, but he brought up his century with a straight drive for four off spinner Michael Swart.

England also bowled well earlier in the day, picking up nine wickets for 114 runs after Western Australia had resumed on 109-1. With Swann turning in impressive figures. All in all, a great start to the tour.